Feeling Deflated Today
It's been a weird, past few days.
Just sort of seems like failure after failure.
I really struggled on the wheel trying to center. Then found out the bat I was using was warped. But even after changing the bat I was still struggling to center.
I've been at the wheel for three months now, which I know isn't long, but I would have at least thought that by now my hands would get the knack for centering quickly.
They haven't yet, and it's been frustrating.
More S-cracks are starting to form on the bottoms of my vessels, and I fear that the fourth teapot I threw will also come to the same demise.
Also been feeling stuck, with the whole business side of trying to sell things that you make. All of the self-promotion on social media, creating hype for yourself, it all seems very insincere and glamorous.
I've also been comparing myself to other ceramicists online, who have studios and wheels and their styles and practices and fans. I know I shouldn't do this, its detrimental to my fragile mental health, but how can you not when social media bombards you with content non-stop?
Anyways, I took a walk out in the landfill today. It was windy and chilly and everything is still mostly yellow and dead. I found a lone fern plant growing, some dead milkweed stalks and pods, and some weeds that were sprouting but I don't know yet if they are edible species.
I accidentally placed my hand among a busy group of working ants and they started to climb up my fingers. I watched them for awhile, as they scurried about doing their things for the colony, unaware of all the human problems in the world, how messed up things can get. There they were, just minding their own business.
Seeing the ants helped ground me a little bit, making me realize how futile it is to get upset over some hairline cracks in my pots, or even feeling down about my pottery journey as a whole.
Love,
Comments